From “How to Win Friends and Influence People” by Dale Carnegie
Dale Carnegie emphasizes that if you want to build good relationships with people and gain their cooperation, you should “refrain from criticism and reprimands.” This principle shows that praise and encouragement are far more effective in opening people’s hearts than criticism.
Why Choose Praise Over Criticism?
- Criticism Breeds Resentment:
Everyone feels hurt when they hear they’ve done something wrong. Strong criticism can provoke defensiveness and even distance people from each other. - Praise Boosts Motivation:
People feel inspired to do better when they are acknowledged and respected. Recognizing even small achievements can give the other person greater motivation and support their growth. - Wisdom in Encouraging Self-Reflection:
People experience the most profound change when they reflect and choose to change on their own. Behavioral change through self-awareness, rather than from others’ criticism, tends to be more effective.
How to Apply This in Daily Life
- Start Conversations with Praise Try beginning conversations by mentioning a small positive trait or strength of the other person. This approach can greatly help ease into any discussion.
- Express Your Feelings with “I” Statements: Instead of saying, “Because of you,” try saying, “I felt this way.” When you express your feelings, it is less likely to cause resistance, making it easier for the other person to understand you genuinely. Give Positive, Constructive Feedback: Rather than pointing out what went wrong, say, “This could be even better if…” Offering a suggestion for improvement can provide motivation and encouragement.
” In conclusion, when dealing with people, hold back on criticism and approach them with praise and appreciation. We need the wisdom to find ways to gather honey, not kick the beehive. Remember, praise and encouragement are the keys to opening people’s hearts.”